gratitude post (not original but i might make this regular)

I would like to believe that I am a very adaptable person. Yes, I react to whatever change happening around me but I never react too much. Often, I just say, “Huh.” It makes more sense to choose battles and fight only those with full gear on and an appropriate war cry or song. 

I was recently diagnosed with a chronic disease. That is the reason for my weight loss and all the consequential jeans-adjustment. I am not dying but it will never go away. The doctor just gave me medicines with side effects worse than the symptoms of the disease itself. I could go on and on about how unfair this is but I cry easily and I already had my weekly dose of bawling yesterday. I’ve been trying to come to terms with the result of how my body betrayed me (or is it the other way around?) for almost a month now. There are days when I feel like throwing caution to the wind and just let my insides rot as long as I have FUN while it’s happening. This urge is especially strong when just about everyone I see comments on how thin I’ve become. You may be commenting about how I am now fashionably thin but in my head, all I hear is “sickly thin.” But ten minutes of pleasure is not worth two days or, possibly, a lifetime of pain. 

After 24 days of having this life sentence hanging over my head, I finally decide to take control of it. I have done enough research to know that I can have a life free of suffering, and eventually, gain weight. The road is tricky and I am still in this dark hole, with no indication if my method is working. But I know for sure that things will get better. Things always will.

The last two sentences of the previous paragraph have helped me live through difficult times. Call it my mantra, if you will. Together with this mantra, I have this list of things that somehow make life peachy. Some are things I’m looking forward to, which, in turn, make life worth living.

1. Sewing and learning new things to sew, such as this diaper bag that called for a gazillion pockets and something that will make it stand on its own. It turned out alright, methinks.

 

 

2. Interview with Cebu Daily News about my little crafty business. I don’t know when this is coming out. Watch out for it.

3) Osamu Tristan, my rock, my Totoro and this Totoro sculpture he made for me for my birthday.

4) Books. Lately, I’ve been trying to rekindle that peace I always feel when lost in a book. I have gotten too busy to read this last couple of years. That will stop now. I’m reading Rant by Palahniuk and Slaughterhouse Five by Vonnegut. I think I will finish Slaughterhouse Five first since Rant is just a tad medical and morbid and reminds me of my condition. BUT I DON’T HAVE RABIES, OKAY?

5) Cooking. It’s a great stress-reliever. Now if only I can find someone who can wash after me.

 

I really wish I can take some time off my day job so that I can fight this fight in earnest. But that’s not going to happen. So what I’m going to do now is limit my sewing to non-pressure types. This means that I will not be taking orders for August and September. I already promised to make a dozen guitar bags for two clients in August and that’s enough to keep me busy but sane. I might even turn this blog into a photoblog or artblog for a while. I’ll post stuff that helps me relax. I’ll post more lists of things that I am thankful for.

If you can send positive vibes my way, I will really appreciate it. Thank you.